The slightly raised temperatures make most a bit more happy with frequent smiles on their face as they depart work knowing several hours of daylight and warm weather still remain. The mind travels to upcoming beach vacations triggering watering mouths eager for coronas, crab cakes, and barbequed treats. Golden tans, loosely tied pony tails, flowing sun dresses paired with bright colored flip flops – oh how I love summer fashion and the comfortableness of shedding the layers and heavy worn sweaters that keep us warm through the harsher months!
What could ruin this perfect image anticipated by most to become their three month reality? Woman’s fashion! Yup, you read that correctly. With the summer months shortly arriving woman everywhere swamp sealed boxes packing away their winter clothes to embark on a what still fits and what doesn’t from their summer storage. And in the next few months several fashion no, no’s will occur. So please, take a few minutes to read my suggestions – these bullets can save you from unknown embarrassment while educating you with some reasonable advice!
Shoes
-I love open-toed shoes and so should you. However, please do not wear shoes in which your toes hang over the edge. Ladies, if your pinky is sticking out between the sides of the strap or your big toe is hanging over the edge – you need a different size or a different shoe!
What could ruin this perfect image anticipated by most to become their three month reality? Woman’s fashion! Yup, you read that correctly. With the summer months shortly arriving woman everywhere swamp sealed boxes packing away their winter clothes to embark on a what still fits and what doesn’t from their summer storage. And in the next few months several fashion no, no’s will occur. So please, take a few minutes to read my suggestions – these bullets can save you from unknown embarrassment while educating you with some reasonable advice!
Shoes
-I love open-toed shoes and so should you. However, please do not wear shoes in which your toes hang over the edge. Ladies, if your pinky is sticking out between the sides of the strap or your big toe is hanging over the edge – you need a different size or a different shoe!
-Do 
not, I repeat, do not wear stockings with open-toed shoes. Listen baby boomers, if you cannot part with your stockings (that typical give fat rolls and highlight that your face, chest, and arms are a different color then your legs) then wear closed toe shoes. Stockings worn with open toed shoes highlight your age by this old school fashion no, no.
-Paint your toes! If you choose to wear open-toed shoes you do not need to get a $30 pedicure, however you do need to scrounge around for the nail file, clippers, and some pale nail polish (which can be purchased at the dollar store). Exposing your feet draws attention to them – please save yourself the embarrassment of snickers and “ewws” behind your back when others examine you toe-to-toe. Spend 20 minutes and get those feet in decent shape.
White
-I love white shirts. They look great under floral and patterned jackets by allowing the main piece of the wardrobe to stand out, however for most, they should be left as a layered item and never worn alone. White shirts show every flaw of your upper half. Fat rolls and nipples are not attractive so unless you are a tiny frame or anticipate being in the spring break wet t-shirt concert choose a color over the plain-white-tee.
-I love white pants. But similar to my comments above, this colorless pant allows the public to see your cellulite, underwear marks, and potential private parts sweat. How unattractive! If you must go white wear a fit that is loose and non-camel toe riding.
Belly Shirts
-Belly shirts are no longer in – skinny or plump, do not wear them. Make men use their tiny imaginations rather then have a clear, almost naked vision of what you look like bare. Cover your sh*t up and wear something that shows your curves but tactfully! Anything Britney would wear you shouldn’t and belly shirts are top on her list!
Bathing Suits
-It is not an option and there is no need to cover up completely. What’s the point of going to the beach if you aren’t able to get a little sun to tan those legs so you don’t have to wear stockings? Simply be sensible when picking a suit. If you have a few extra rolls wear a tank-kini instead of the string bikini! Busty women take note – make sure you wear a top that holds your breast in – spillage, nipples, and almost accidental exposure is not attractive.
Shave
-Yes, it is sad that I must provide a friendly reminder to women that during the summer months it is most important to shave your legs (and not just below the knee), bikini area, and arm pits. Ladies, your clothing will not hide the hair protruding from your unshaven knees. When you are wearing a skirt to work the light will hit your leg and all will see the sun-kissed hairs remaining on the back of your thigh – get the razor out now! And hello, shave around your vajajay please – you will not be considered a hoochie mama if you clean up the area so that the jungle that remains is not sticking out of the sides of your bathing suits bottoms! And arm pits???? No comment besides – we are not French – get rid of those straggles ASAP!
Wow, I am exhausted thinking about the common mishaps females make when preparing for the summer months. Please apply these do’s and don’ts when dressing for the coming summer months! Good luck ladies, I wish you fabulousness and fierceness in the Summer of 2008!
not, I repeat, do not wear stockings with open-toed shoes. Listen baby boomers, if you cannot part with your stockings (that typical give fat rolls and highlight that your face, chest, and arms are a different color then your legs) then wear closed toe shoes. Stockings worn with open toed shoes highlight your age by this old school fashion no, no.-Paint your toes! If you choose to wear open-toed shoes you do not need to get a $30 pedicure, however you do need to scrounge around for the nail file, clippers, and some pale nail polish (which can be purchased at the dollar store). Exposing your feet draws attention to them – please save yourself the embarrassment of snickers and “ewws” behind your back when others examine you toe-to-toe. Spend 20 minutes and get those feet in decent shape.
White
-I love white shirts. They look great under floral and patterned jackets by allowing the main piece of the wardrobe to stand out, however for most, they should be left as a layered item and never worn alone. White shirts show every flaw of your upper half. Fat rolls and nipples are not attractive so unless you are a tiny frame or anticipate being in the spring break wet t-shirt concert choose a color over the plain-white-tee.
-I love white pants. But similar to my comments above, this colorless pant allows the public to see your cellulite, underwear marks, and potential private parts sweat. How unattractive! If you must go white wear a fit that is loose and non-camel toe riding.
Belly Shirts
-Belly shirts are no longer in – skinny or plump, do not wear them. Make men use their tiny imaginations rather then have a clear, almost naked vision of what you look like bare. Cover your sh*t up and wear something that shows your curves but tactfully! Anything Britney would wear you shouldn’t and belly shirts are top on her list!
Bathing Suits
-It is not an option and there is no need to cover up completely. What’s the point of going to the beach if you aren’t able to get a little sun to tan those legs so you don’t have to wear stockings? Simply be sensible when picking a suit. If you have a few extra rolls wear a tank-kini instead of the string bikini! Busty women take note – make sure you wear a top that holds your breast in – spillage, nipples, and almost accidental exposure is not attractive.
Shave
-Yes, it is sad that I must provide a friendly reminder to women that during the summer months it is most important to shave your legs (and not just below the knee), bikini area, and arm pits. Ladies, your clothing will not hide the hair protruding from your unshaven knees. When you are wearing a skirt to work the light will hit your leg and all will see the sun-kissed hairs remaining on the back of your thigh – get the razor out now! And hello, shave around your vajajay please – you will not be considered a hoochie mama if you clean up the area so that the jungle that remains is not sticking out of the sides of your bathing suits bottoms! And arm pits???? No comment besides – we are not French – get rid of those straggles ASAP!
Wow, I am exhausted thinking about the common mishaps females make when preparing for the summer months. Please apply these do’s and don’ts when dressing for the coming summer months! Good luck ladies, I wish you fabulousness and fierceness in the Summer of 2008!
1 comment:
NOOOOO BELLY SHIRTS
Post a Comment