Could Natalee Holloway’s mother or father have saved her?
While hearing the emotionless Joran van der Sloot confess to having disposed of Natalee Holloway’s body, I hesitate for a moment but then proceed forward contemplating a different outcome if Natalee was never allowed to attend the informal school vacation.
I reflect back on my own teenage and young adult years where my mothers constant response of “no” drove me crazy. I was always the friend who had the earliest curfew, was unable to stay out the night of prom, and never allowed to attend far distanced trips unless one of my parents were a direct chaperone. Life at the time seemed so unfair.
As I get older and move further away from my teenage years and closer to having my own daughter one day, I think about the discipline and freedom that I will allow my children to have and I cannot help but think – unless myself or her father were present, my daughter would have not been allowed to attend the Aruba trip. And I am sure tears would have streamed down, red hot tempers would have flared and a few ‘I hate you’s’ would have been said, but in the best interest and protection of my child my answer would too, like my own mother, have been no.
What right does an 18 year old have to go to Aruba with a group of friends for a high school graduation party? Is a barbeque and pool party in the backyard no longer sufficient? Were parents aware that their children would be of legal drinking and gambling age in Aruba? Did any of these mothers and fathers stop to think that perhaps their teenage child was not yet mature enough to be situated in an environment that is loosely controlled? Even more disheartening is that the ratio of chaperone to students was 7:125, and as this was an “informal” high school event and all the students had recently graduated, the chaperones lacked the ability to implement hardcore consequences for poor behavior. If a student broke their curfew (were there even curfews?), became intoxicated, or slept in the opposite genders bedroom for example – what would be their punishment? They could not be expelled, miss graduation, or receive detention – all the possible deterrents that chaperones can typically emphasize and enforce were absent in Aruba.
Teenagers are not adults and that is why they are labeled with a term that references a transitional stage of human development. Teenagers, no matter how well they are raised, do not always understand the ramifications of their actions or overindulges – parents do. And parents are to be the literal and physical boundary which protects their children from the known and unknown harms of the world.
Natalee was not protected in Aruba. And I can only hypothesize that a response of ‘No” with a few “I hate you’s’ could have saved her life.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
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2 comments:
D,
It's an interesting coincidence that you wrote about this because I was just having this conversation with my girlfriends and again with my best friend last week.
I never went on the senior trip to Mexico like many in my graduating high school class and I am thankful that one, I didn't have the interest, and two that my parents likely wouldn't have let me.
All you ever hear from those trips is about who slept with whom, or who got wasted, puked and then made out with so-and-so.
I did however go to Cancun for a trip my sophomore year of college. My experience was horrible. On the second night I was slipped roofies, or some other date-rape-type drug. I was lucky that two of my girlfriends found me and took me back to our not-so-five star hotel.
But it scared me and it scared the crap out of my parents.
I realize similar situations happen in the United States and we all know most people in college at least try drinking before they're 21 (esp. if you're in the Greek system). BUT, assuming you're going to school in the US, the consequences for drinking underage or making other poor choices are known to us. That's not the case for foreign countries. (Look at Univ. of Wash. student Amanda Knox, still in jail for the murder of a British roomie).
I agree with you, if my daughter, - or son depending on what we have - wants to go on a senior trip I will say no. Instead I'll propose a different trip, where I (or the hubby) are chaperons (and damn cool ones at that I hope) and where we'll be in a safe environment.
I believe the writer and her husband will be excellent parents one day! When am I going to be aunt? :)
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